Oflate, not actually oflate...few months back i turned 25. At first its just another birthday. Its only after few days i realized that how it is to be 25.
I joined in jr. college when i was about 15. Thats it....now i am 25. The last 10yrs of my life could not give me anything called understanding the society. . The only memories are about writing records, preparing for exams, doing labs, installing windows again and again in my computer, dreaming high and feeling low, trying to comprehend the world where i am sanjeev not son-of-my-parents, going to office, waiting for weekends...and stuff like that. Ofcourse i bought my Motoming, caterpillars (my shoes), knight rider (my bike...i named it after a tv show i used to watch when i was a kid), lot of friends, books and lot of ...really lot of confusion about the world. Those 10yrs were like a flash of light, like riding at 80kmph where you could enjoy only the speed not the nature around you.
As i am studying political science and anthropology...they have twisted my mind and now i got a new weird wish. I dont want to grow old...i don't want to die without my consent.Just like Dorian gray of Oscar wild or bheeshma of mahabharata ( to say the truth i prefer dorian gray than bheeshma..he grew old..i dont want to!!) For few days i was like....why i had to turn 25?? after that...'i turned 25 really fast'...and later ' i am already 25...i missed so much and there is a lot to see'.
It was the same feeling when i watched the film 'Yuva'. First half was fine...second half too interesting and suddenly the end came. I expected more in the end. I could not believe that's the climax. I dont want to get-out of theater...i wanted an immediate sequel ...without buying another tickets without moving my body from the seat. I refused to accept the climax. I kind of expected the same thing from my 25th birthday. Nothing i dreamed happened.
This whole truth is more disgusting when you read GK. Right now i am feeling...oooh i dont know this but i am 25. Same thought thumps in ur mind when you find a new word while reading a book..and you have no idea about it.
A lot of theories, philosophies , movies , books, paintings, issues, .....which i dont know but i am 25. And the thought is more humiliating when i stare at few books which i bought when i was around 20 or 22.
Within just few months after i realized about being 25...i am going to be 26. The stupid dimension called time doesnot stop...it is not giving me sufficient time to understand things...its been dragging me...like told in the movie kate and leopold "We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we can't see it. It's just like a blur. It's like we're riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train,get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you're sitting in. Now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that's it; it's that simple."
Maybe this was the reason...people dream of everlasting-life-and-youth..a time machine where you can go back and correct few things. Still people fascinate them. I am sure many pair of eyes glowed just like mine when our lecturer told "We age because the cells stop reproducing after few number of times defined by the DNA, may be we wont grow old if we can tamper ticking clock in the DNA".
Of course we are wise to accept the truth...but dream of it. I wonder why people blackens their silver hair? Why there is so much market for the things which makes us look younger.
Still i am in process of conquering my laziness, still i didnt learn spanish and tamil ( for last 5yrs i was trying to learn them), still i dont have kawasaki ninja, still i dont know much about share market, still there are few great books i never heard of, still a lot of places i ever visited,worst is still i am in hyderabad.....uffff really i would like to be Dorian gray. Let the nature age my picture not me!!! Or else my situation will be like this...
I think i really need think about it...or else i will be just another man who called by people at first "chinna" after that "anna" and later "uncle".
